Adulting Can Be Rosy Too.

My boyfriend says I spend too much time thinking about others instead of putting myself first. I daresay, he is not wrong. I guess I have always been used to thinking of others before myself, putting their needs before my own. Even if the little energy left should go to resting, I end up giving it away. I guess you could call it my bad habit.

I feel things more deeply than most people, and it affects my relationships. I start to feel their despair, their ambitions, and their happiness ten times more intensely than they do. I start to formulate plans on their behalf and strain myself to go the extra mile, even if I am not feeling up to it.

In all honesty, I never saw anything wrong with it until I realized that my mental health had deteriorated, and I was a walking apocalypse.

The littlest remark would set me off, and I’d either lash out or eventually pass out from crying so hard.

I am not perfect. I know this now.

I shouldn’t expect people to care as deeply as I do, and I shouldn’t expect to receive care the way I give it.

Sometimes I think my bad habit stems from how I was raised, but I won’t blame it on that. I definitely got used to believing that I had to earn love, which is why I find it hard to believe when people say they like me for me. I mean, what’s so special about me, right?

I’m not your typical beauty, and I’m not so agreeable. I have my own thoughts and strong opinions, and I’m as stubborn as an eel.

Hence my weariness.

I say words of affirmation are my primary love language, but I think that actions mean more to me.

I register actions first before I listen to the words.

Because people can lie while smiling, but their actions are never wrong.

It took me so many years to figure that out.

So maybe I am now truly learning what it means to be an adult, among other things.

The biggest realization that hit me recently is that while making money, building the right network, and always bringing value to the table are necessary, taking breaks and allowing myself to live are equally important and essential.

Real love is golden, and all the money in the world can’t buy that. I need to allow myself to be loved, I need to love myself too, and I sure as hell need to create boundaries and distance myself from people who only want to take advantage of my kindness.

So while I’m chasing the stars and making sure my community is growing, I need to also take care of little Dee. She needs me too.

XOXO

I Love You 🤍

 To be honest, I’m not really sorry for the long hiatus. I needed a break from writing and honestly, this doesn’t mean that I’m back. I’ve just been in my feelings lately and wanted to put this out here. So if you get this, know that I am fine and I definitely do not want to talk. 

Six years ago, on this day, I saw you fighting for your life—fighting to breathe, fighting to wake up, fighting to live. I prayed, wishing and hoping you would recover, praying my biggest nightmare wouldn't come true. But the next day, after so many prayers and crying myself to sleep, I woke up to the news of your death.

I knew I did my best, playing my part as the perfect daughter to keep you happy and ease the stress of being a single parent. That was my way of loving you. In the typical Nigerian family setting, we hardly ever told each other we loved each other, but I felt your love every day. That’s why I wanted to be your perfect little girl the best way I knew how. When I heard the news and cried, I didn’t feel like I was grieving enough. I had questions. Why did it have to happen now? We had plans. I was to go to school, study law, and come home every weekend to keep you company. You even said you’d enroll in a master's program, and we might end up being roommates. We laughed at that, but I looked forward to it because I felt your support and dedication to my dreams. You always listened to me, even when I rambled on. I was a tiresome child, wasn’t I?

But when most people wouldn’t take me seriously, you would. Because your daughter was talking, and that meant it was important. We used to dance together, and I’d listen to you sing. Your voice was mesmerizing, and even the sound of your laughter was like music to my ears. That’s why, when I was asked to pen my goodbye note for the burial program, I bolted and locked myself in the bathroom, shrieking and crying because I couldn’t bear to think it was really happening. That my mummy was leaving me.

I thought to myself, was that why you called the week before and gave me that silver ring you loved so much? Your gaze felt so intense while giving it to me. It felt like you had made up your mind to leave something for me to remember you by, a piece of you to look back on and guard close to my heart because you knew you’d be leaving soon.

I wondered why you couldn’t stay to see all our plans materialize and then maybe sit side by side like we always did and make new ones. I thought to myself, maybe that’s why making plans and scheduling things became my go-to fun things to do.

I watched your body lying lifeless, with flies perching on your dried-up skin, beckoning you to wave them off, but you couldn’t. We had an open coffin, and everyone, both frenemies and family, surrounded you, crying and wailing. 

I couldn’t shed a tear because, of course, we shouldn’t be seen crying on such a day; our so-called enemies might see that as an opportunity to put a spell on us or work their juju. 

I watched them cover your coffin. It was done. You were six feet under. We got home and met a feast. I asked myself, what is there to celebrate? Why are we having people over? None of you were at the burial ground when I buried my mother. Why do I have to serve you with a smile on my face? 

Weeks after, it still didn’t sink in.

Then one day, it finally dawned on me that I’d lost the greatest gift I had. The one person who loved me unconditionally, the one person who understood me, my original best friend, and I won’t get her back. 

Even now, six years after, it’s so saddening that whenever I have big news or sad news, I can’t call you or run to you. Because my mama is gone… And I have to live with that hurt, whilst trying to see you in every single thing.

XX,

Dee

Lamentations and Whatnots

 

Is it just me? But I get really sad when someone I love wakes up one day and decides that they don't want to be friends or lovers anymore, and they walk out, leaving me wondering how it went wrong, what I could have done to prevent it, if I was the problem, or why they couldn't love me or stay with me for as long as I can or am willing to.

You could say these are the reasons behind why I've been somewhat hesitant when it comes to opening up to people or making new friends. You could say I'm stuck in the past, and I'm finding it hard to give new people a chance. These days, I've been socially awkward and always find an excuse to bury myself in a pile of abstract or theoretical work that doesn't require me to connect or network physically. I shy away and cower at the thought of being surrounded by people I'm not familiar with. I don't want to know you; I don't want to fall in love with your personality, and I don't want to dream about our lives together and get attached.

Most people close to me would say I'm hung up on the surreal idea of what a relationship should be. Could it be my head or heart is just stuck in the clouds? I can't have that one person who's my go-to for everything; I can't be everything for them either, so what is the ideal society relationship like? One that doesn't have depth or any meaning? Are we all just stringing ourselves along because somehow this person is important when it comes to academics, business, art, etc.?

Do I have abandonment issues? Maybe, yes, no, I can't say...

Do I want people to stay? Yes, totally.

Do they? 80% of the time, they leave. Lately, I've longed and actually been lamenting about the fact that I don't have a best friend. It's been about a year since I lost one, and the thought of it still hurts till today.

Maybe I'm suffering from the ability to love so deeply and quickly with fickle beings. But that is me, and I can't apologize for being a plain simp.

XOXO

Papa, Is That You?

Today is Father's Day, and as I reflect on this occasion, I realize that I may not be the most qualified person to discuss the topic. Having lost my father at a very young age, I have no personal experience of the father-daughter bond. Looking back, I can't help but feel a sense of longing, as if I've missed out on an essential part of life. Yet, over the years, I have come to grasp a glimpse of what I believe it should be.

During my childhood, my mother had a close friend who would visit us regularly. Whenever he came over, he would bring my favorite snacks and captivate me with bedtime stories about the mischievous adventures of the cunning tortoise. I would run to him, exclaiming "Big Daddy" with joy, and he would catch me in his arms, playfully lift me up, and place me on his lap. I would excitedly chatter away about my day, sharing personal details meant only for family. In my young mind, he became like family, and I would proudly boast to my classmates that he was my father. He held a special place in my heart then, and he still does now. Sometimes, I wonder how different my upbringing would have been without those cherished moments, as I can't imagine anything that could replace those memories. Unfortunately, this kind-hearted man passed away a few years ago, but his memory will forever remain dear to me.

With age, I have come to understand that fatherhood encompasses much more than the experiences I had. Our society often fails to recognize the immense sacrifices made by men for their families. Men leave their own families to build a home for themselves, their wives, and their children. A good and responsible man dedicates most of his life to his family, prioritizing their needs over his own. Despite being labeled as the "stronger sex," men are denied the opportunity to show vulnerability, express emotions, or make mistakes. If they do, they often face criticism even from those they consider family and friends—the very people who should be there to support them in their times of need. Men, too, are human beings and should be allowed to experience a range of emotions, to be fragile, and to acknowledge their pain. They are integral members of society and contribute significantly to its growth. These men are our fathers, brothers, cousins, uncles, and friends.

I have come to realize that being a father goes beyond simply being a playmate. Deep contemplation has led me to the conclusion that not having a biological father does not make me fatherless. I am fortunate to have two wonderful men who are married to my elder sisters. They have stepped into the role of father figures with grace and love, defying societal norms. Through their presence and guidance, I have gained a clearer understanding that being a father is not solely determined by genetics but is rooted in love—the truest and purest form of love.

 XOXO 

Jar of Hearts

Hey book worms! It's Dee again. Your friend, confidante, and goofball. Well, I'm going ahead to give my dramatic intro now that the salutations have been exchanged.

"To love is to die many times and be reborn into paradise." - Agnes Dairo.

Confused? Chuckles!

I recently started writing unrequited love stories because it's a favorite pastime of mine, and, well, I've had a substantial amount of experience with it. I record and turn them into videos. Then later, I post them on Instagram and TikTok. If you're interested, the handle is @InTheShadowOfLove. So far, I have gathered a few followers who are attracted to my beautiful and moving writing. Sprinkles some spice.

Then, one day, while scrolling through the streets of TikTok, I saw a video where it came to my notice that people only focus on the pain of unrequited love but forget to consider the pain of the object of that love, i.e., to be at the receiving end of unwanted feelings.

This video made me realise how unfair it is that we often fail to consider the emotions of the person who unintentionally becomes the villain in our stories. Looking back, I must admit my own past selfishness, and perhaps many of you can relate. Now here is a little exercise for you. Place yourself in the shoes of the other person. The person who is supposedly the object of your desires, the one who thoughts of them start your mornings and end your evenings, the one who your heart calls for, the one who you burn for. See what I did there? 😉

You don't love this person as they do you. They are probably your friend, coworker, or someone who just has a pleasant air about them, and you love to have them around, but you have no choice but to break their heart because you simply do not feel the same way. If that were you and such a person meant the world to you albeit in a platonic way, wouldn't it hurt you or break your heart a little to give them up? Knowing that your relationship with such a person might never fully heal? You get it now? I did this same exercise, and I guess you could say I understood how hard it could be for them too. I'm in no way invalidating the person whose love is unrequited feelings; I'm just looking at it through a different lens.

To be frank with you, bookworms, being alone in love sucks. And with reference to the quote I made earlier: "To love is to die many times and be reborn into paradise." What makes love stories so beautiful is the fact that both parties truly and deeply love each other. I say, "To have one's true love love them is to be born anew into a fantasy that will never end." Now, imagine a love where it is only you loving from afar. There will be no light, just darkness and hurt, and you might never truly know what happiness feels like. But really, unrequited loves aren't as bad as they are entirely made out to be, friends, as "There's a beauty in pain," and that love which has left you wounded can also heal you if you extend it to yourself."

 XOXO

TRANSCENDENCE

It seems wrong to think you're a good person or friend only because you treat your supposed friend or whoever how you would love to be treated. Humans are complicated and unpredictable, so relating with others requires more than just this simple approach. Therefore, relating with people isn't a piece of cake as many of us have made it out to be.

It's more like trying to feed a child vegetables in the hopes that they will eat them because it makes them healthy. A healthy child equals happy parents. Anyway, while the theory I mentioned earlier might work in a few cases or most, I've noted some irregularities with it, and I'm definitely going to share.

Exhibit A 

Elizabeth calls me every night before she goes to bed to hear about how my day went, offer encouragement and kind words, and ask if I need help making things easier for the next day. While I appreciate her efforts towards being a supportive friend, I might appreciate it a little more if she actually texted during the day and didn't wait until the day ends before checking in. What if I got into an accident? What if I had a mental breakdown or an episode during the day and needed help?

When I meet someone else who offers what I prefer, is it impossible to conclude that I'll become better friends with such a person and cease to notice Elizabeth's efforts towards me? If we turn the tables, we would see that Elizabeth is showing her support the way she expects to receive it but doesn't understand that I do not 'feel' supported, and so her efforts are wasted on me, regardless of her intentions.

Exhibit B 

John likes to buy gifts to make up for missing dates, plans, holidays because he has 'work to do,' leaving no room for actual time to connect. In John's defense, he sends flowers, trinkets, etc. to show his commitment. It doesn't register, as gifts don't matter to me as I'm into spending time together to connect.

I could go on and on, but really what I'm getting at is that people don't always want to be treated how you would love to be treated. It's what makes them unique and different from you. We all have our different love languages, and it's in how we read things.

This particular article reminds me of conversations I've had about how love languages aren't only limited to romantic relationships but are also present in friendships, which is evident in my tweets below. 

I was a bit vague there, but here is what I really meant:

When it comes to friendships, it's important to recognize that different people have different love languages. You can't assume that the way you like to give and receive love is the same as your friend's preferences. So, it's important to communicate and understand each other's love languages. This means being intentional about getting to know what your friend actually likes, rather than assuming based on your own preferences.

In terms of compromise, it means finding out how to express love and affection in a way that resonates with your friend's love language, even if it's not your preferred way of showing affection. It might mean making an effort to spend more quality time with them, giving them thoughtful gifts, or offering words of affirmation, for example.

Ultimately, real friendships involve mutual understanding and respect for each other's differences. It's about making the effort to connect with each other in a way that feels meaningful and authentic. So, in essence, the real work is about being intentional and getting to know what they actually like and not what is presupposed by your actions towards them. Hear them out and listen to them. A relationship is not a one-man party, you know?


Hey there! It's been a while, missed me? 😄 I've been enjoying my break and sorry not sorry, I haven't been tempted to write anything until today. I do hope, you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. For readers wondering why our layout has changed, I wouldn't be the gracious host that I am if I didn't make your reading experience comfortable. Although, if you're wondering where you can find the attachments, you can do that in two ways, the first one is easy. Look below and click "View web version" or set your browser to desktop site and they will appear. While you're on there, don't forget to subscribe, and share. Adios!

XOXO 

PLAIN RADICAL HONESTY

It's April dear readers, and while I'm not so enthusiastic about seeing what the second quarter of the year has in store, I'm writing this article in hopes that you learn something from my newest discovery. 

Let's talk about honesty, and not just any form of it. I mean plain, radical honesty in relationships. To be frank, I've been seeing someone for the past few months, and while I haven't been so public with the whole experience, it's been wonderful and unlike anything I've experienced. I found not just a partner but a friend.

Here's why: In the past, I've often had to prove myself. I've had to make people want to stay just because of what I could give or offer them. I didn't mind, especially when it came with self-inflicted inconvenience. All I needed was for them to stay, and it was my way of holding onto the said friendships. I was also afraid of what speaking my mind could do to those I called my friends, and it was a huge internal conflict within me, especially because I don't believe in telling people I call friends the same BS they want to hear just because we are friends. So, in whatever they did, I mostly held my tongue or looked the other way when I could. In other cases, I spoke my mind, and it led to the end of the friendships. 

Not to derail from the subject matter at hand, but those experiences have somewhat made me understand that people don't really mean it or flat out don't know what they're asking when they say they want you to be honest with them. 

Here, the big question always is: can they handle honesty?

The harsh truth is that they can't. I've learnt this the hard way, and it's brazen in the walls of my mind now.

With this person, I'm in awe of not just their personality but our relationship when arguments and modes of reconciliation play into the dynamic. It's mind-blowing how we're so eager to understand and get to the bottom of the PROBLEM and not just who said this or who said that. We're intentional about US, and we leave no misunderstanding unaddressed. It's a game-changer, and I'm starting to see how deep a relationship can actually be when you're just being yourself.

This blog post has no definite direction other than me just sharing my mind-blowing discovery, and I'm afraid you might be confused as well as I am as to where this is going, but whelp! Having the right kind of people, "intentional people" in your life, goes a long way and adds nothing but positivity to you. I've not had to pretend or tune down my thoughts, I've not had to make over-the-top sacrifices just to keep a relationship, and to me, that is bliss. The fact that a person chose and loves me for who I am is more than I could ever ask for.

Anyways, why am I ranting about PLAIN RADICAL HONESTY so much?

Ever thought about what not having honest discussions with someone you consider a friend, partner, sister, heck, your whole family does to you?

 

Avoiding what needs to be addressed leads to building up a silent resentment towards them, which could ultimately destroy the relationship you have with that person. It's something I didn't realize until, of course, I experienced it, and I understand it more now.

So let me just say, plain radical honesty can transform your relationships and make them more fulfilling. It's essential to have people in your life who are intentional, and with whom you can have open and honest communication. Trust me, it's the way to go.

As a special 'Thank you' to my audience, and for the massive support I have received over the months. I'll be taking monthly blog topic suggestions. Let me know, if you're interested, in the comment section below. 

XOXO 

"Love and Individuality: A Delicate Balance"

 Author: Odugbemi Darasimi

It could be difficult to love someone and not forget who you are or who you want to be in them. Many times, you could get so invested and committed to loving a person (romantic relationship) that, without conscious and intentional efforts, you are likely to lose who you are. You begin to lose hold of the things that often excited you before they came around. Sometimes, you start to like the things that they like and even hate those things that they hate. Which is fine, it’s the peculiar thing about love. However, the downside to it is when they do leave or when it is time for you to leave. The investments you have made in them and the person you have become in them, as well as the influence they now have on you, could stop you from leaving them or making efforts to pack up and leave. Obviously, I mean when the relationship has now become unhealthy or toxic. It could even be bad to the extent that their opinion about you totally cancels the opinion you have always had about yourself, and I mean not in a good way. You may no longer be confident in who you think you are or who you know yourself to be. You would often seek validation from them, and when you no longer get positive validations, you take on the job of transforming yourself into the person that they would want you to be.

Also, when you begin to have recurring issues, talk about consistently complaining about a certain person who you don’t feel comfortable about the way they relate to your partner, and it becomes frequent that you start questioning whether you are the oversensitive one or the one with the problem. Summarily, when you can count an uncomfortable number of issues to the extent that your mental health is taking a very bad turn.

I’m no relationship expert, but you’d agree with me, or you should at least, that love should and can help you find who you are. When you are with a person that supports you, who drives you to be your best person, who helps you see beyond your weaknesses and shortcomings, someone who just fires you up, they don’t allow you to get lost in their shadow. They give the right amount of support that you need. But this same thing- “Love” can make you, like I said before, get so consumed in loving someone that you can be blind to the seemingly glaring things.

What is the way forward? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️. But what I can say is, no matter how much you love someone and how much they mean to you, you should love yourself more. Take time to weigh all the differences that they have made since they came into your life. Check to see if you are on track with the person you wanted to be before meeting and loving them. Do you still know what you like? Do you have a favorite thing to do that doesn’t revolve around them but still makes you happy? Just do a thorough check-in to see if you still recognize who you have become.

From Clash to Cuddle: Transforming Conflict into Connection with These Relationship-Boosting Tips!

 Note: This will be my longest blog post yet and I apologise in advance. 😅

Hey there, dear reader! You know what they say - relationships can be a rollercoaster ride. One minute you're soaring high with love and affection, and the next minute you're plummeting down with disagreements and conflicts. It's easy to get lost in the ups and downs, but there's a silver lining to those rocky moments.

That's where the art of conflict resolution comes in! It's not about avoiding conflicts altogether (because let's face it, that's impossible). Instead, it's about learning how to handle conflicts in a way that helps us grow and connect with our loved ones. In this post, we're going to explore some of the most effective strategies for resolving conflicts in relationships. We'll cover everything from active listening and effective communication to compromise and forgiveness.

By the end of this post, you'll be equipped with a toolbox of skills to handle conflicts like a pro. So the next time you're in a disagreement with your partner, friend, or family member, you'll know exactly what to do. Let's get started, shall we?

Resolving conflicts in relationships is a big deal. It's not just about fixing the issue at hand, but it's also an opportunity to grow and connect with the person you're fighting with. When you learn how to handle conflicts in a healthy and productive way, you'll build trust, respect, and a stronger bond with your loved one. So don't be afraid to dive in and learn some conflict resolution strategies – your relationships will thank you for it!

DIFFERENT TYPES OF CONFLICTS

Conflicts come in all shapes and sizes, and they can arise from a variety of situations. Some common types of conflicts include:

• Personality conflicts: These occur when two people have incompatible personalities or values, leading to disagreements or tension.

• Power struggles: These conflicts arise when there is a perceived imbalance of power, such as in a boss-employee relationship or between siblings.

• Communication breakdowns: When there is a miscommunication or misunderstanding between two people, it can lead to conflicts.

• External conflicts: These conflicts can arise from external sources, such as financial struggles, health issues, or changes in the environment.

• Emotional conflicts: These conflicts stem from emotions, such as jealousy, anger, or hurt feelings, and can be particularly challenging to resolve.

By understanding the different types of conflicts, you can better identify the root cause of the issue and choose the most effective strategies to resolve it. So, whether you're dealing with a personality clash or a communication breakdown, there are strategies you can use to navigate the conflict and come out stronger on the other side.

CAUSES OF CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIPS

Ah, relationships - they're beautiful, messy, and sometimes downright confusing. One minute you're floating on cloud nine, and the next minute you're in the middle of a heated argument. But what causes these conflicts, you ask? Well, there are a few common culprits:

• Misunderstandings: Sometimes, what you say isn't what the other person hears. Misunderstandings can be caused by differences in communication styles, assumptions, or even cultural backgrounds.

• Different expectations: When two people enter a relationship, they bring with them their own set of expectations. These expectations can clash and lead to conflicts when they're not communicated or when they're not met.

• Power imbalances: Relationships aren't always equal in terms of power. When one person feels like they have more power or control than the other, it can lead to conflicts and resentment.

• Personal issues: Everyone has their own personal baggage, whether it's past traumas, insecurities, or bad habits. These personal issues can manifest in conflicts with loved ones.

• Change: Change is inevitable in any relationship. Whether it's a change in circumstances, personalities, or priorities, it can cause conflicts as both parties adjust to the new situation.

Understanding the causes of conflicts in relationships can help you identify potential issues before they escalate into full-blown arguments. By being aware of the common causes of conflicts, you can work together with your loved ones to create a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICTS 

Communication is key to resolving conflicts in relationships. Here are a few strategies you can use to communicate effectively during conflicts:

• Active listening: This involves fully listening to the other person without interrupting or formulating a response. Show that you understand their perspective by repeating what they said in your own words.

• "I" statements: Instead of using accusatory "you" statements, use "I" statements to express how you feel. For example, say "I feel hurt when you don't listen to me" instead of "You never listen to me."

• Take a time-out: If emotions are running high, take a break to cool down before continuing the conversation. This can prevent the conflict from escalating further.

• Avoid blame and criticism: Instead of blaming or criticizing the other person, focus on the behavior or situation that is causing the conflict. This can help you work together to find a solution.

• Stay respectful: Even in the midst of a conflict, it's important to remain respectful towards the other person. Avoid attacking their character or making hurtful comments.

By using these communication strategies, you can improve the quality of your conversations and find a way to resolve conflicts in a healthy and productive way. Remember, conflicts don't have to end in fights - with the right communication tools, you can turn them into opportunities for growth and connection.

PROBLEM-SOLVING STRATEGIES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICTS

Problem-solving is another effective approach for resolving conflicts in relationships. Here are a few strategies you can use to solve problems together:

• Define the problem: Start by identifying the problem and agreeing on what the issue is. This can help you avoid getting sidetracked during the conversation.

• Brainstorm solutions: Work together to come up with potential solutions to the problem. Encourage creativity and be open to different ideas.

• Evaluate solutions: Once you have a list of potential solutions, evaluate each one and discuss the pros and cons of each option.

• Choose a solution: After evaluating each solution, choose the one that is the most feasible and effective for both parties.

• Make a plan: Once you've chosen a solution, make a plan to implement it. Decide who will do what and set a timeline for when each step will be completed.

By using these problem-solving strategies, you can work together to find a solution that works for both parties. Remember to stay open-minded and collaborative during the process - conflicts can often be resolved through compromise and cooperation.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION THROUGH COMPROMISE 

Compromise is another effective approach for resolving conflicts in relationships. Here are a few strategies you can use to find a compromise:

• Identify the issues: Start by identifying the areas of disagreement and the interests of each party.

• Share your interests: Be open and honest about your needs and interests. This can help you find common ground.

• Brainstorm solutions: Work together to come up with potential solutions that address both parties' interests.

• Evaluate solutions: Once you have a list of potential solutions, evaluate each one and discuss the pros and cons of each option.

• Find a compromise: Choose the solution that meets the most important interests of both parties.

• Implement the compromise: Once you've found a compromise, put it into action and commit to making it work.

Compromise requires both parties to be willing to make concessions and find common ground. It's important to communicate openly and respectfully during the process, and to be open to creative solutions that meet the interests of both parties. Remember, compromise is a valuable tool for resolving conflicts and building stronger relationships.

And lastly we have,

CONFLICT RESOLUTION THROUGH FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is another effective approach for resolving conflicts in relationships. Here are a few strategies you can use to practice forgiveness:

• Acknowledge the hurt: Start by acknowledging the pain or hurt that has been caused by the conflict.

• Take responsibility: Take responsibility for your own actions and apologize if necessary.

• Let go of resentment: Work on letting go of any resentment or anger towards the other person. This can be a difficult process, but it's an important step towards forgiveness.

• Focus on the positive: Try to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship and the good qualities of the other person.

• Rebuild trust: Work on rebuilding trust by being honest, transparent, and reliable.

Forgiveness requires both parties to be willing to let go of past hurts and move forward. It's important to communicate openly and honestly during the process, and to be patient as trust is rebuilt. Remember, forgiveness is a powerful tool for resolving conflicts and can help to strengthen relationships.

In conclusion, conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, but they don't have to spell the end. By using effective conflict resolution strategies, you can work together to overcome challenges and build stronger relationships. Whether it's through communication, problem-solving, compromise, or forgiveness, the key is to remain open, respectful, and committed to finding a solution that works for both parties. Remember, conflicts can be an opportunity for growth and can ultimately lead to stronger, more fulfilling relationships. So don't be afraid to tackle those tough conversations and work towards a brighter future together. With the right strategies and mindset, anything is possible!

XOXO

'The Cat's Out of The Bag'

 We don't give our parents nearly enough credit. Why am I mentioning this first? It's not a very long narrative, so let's get started.

I recently tried my hand at playing "house" — which was a failed attempt, by the way, because after two days, I wasn't having it anymore. I adopted my younger sister's cat and was so excited about it, I even went as far as ordering him a personalised collar and shopping for grooming materials. There was this unexplained joy at the thought of getting a pet and I looked forward to it.

This is where the story gets funny, I sent him back to my sister after two days. Hahaha, funny? I love Stitch (the cat's name) but he was a different level of obligation I wasn’t entirely prepared to take on. I took my sister up on the offer without thinking about it thoroughly and as much as the idea of adopting "a baby"— as I called him— was fun, the obligations of a cat mum was not something I wanted to fully assume. 

Although he was cute to carry and play with, ensuring my apartment stayed kempt while making sure he wasn't maimed or bruised and seeing to his overall needs were all so much to handle. 

In a way, living all by myself for the most part of the years since I started college has gotten into my system so much that it's now a part of my personality. I love my space and being alone, I love the quiet and serenity that comes with having a small space that's like a haven filled with my favourite things; from books, to music, to movies and my favourite snacks, my apartment is the one thing I'd miss when I'm eventually done with college. In a way, it has helped me to be more in tune with my inner self and has sort of, affected how I relate with people. I’ve had no need to explain my mood, forcefully socialise or talk to anyone when I don't want to and doing things differently forces all that from me as I'll have no choice than to relate, socialise or explain why I'm not interested in talking, if I'm offended because I'm not talking or if I'm familar with the latest trends— lol, like I care 🙄. To be honest, I love the distance, I embrace the distance. Why? I can't tell, yet.

Moving along, I started this article with how we don't give our parents enough credit and this is me just fully realising and experiencing how being a parent feels. Not that I've not had to take care of anyone else but a cat. I mean, I have nephews and a niece who are left in my care whenever I'm home but I've never really had to think about how to provide for them, all I ever concerned myself with was making sure they were bathed, fed and didn't make a mess. With Stitch, it was different. 

I wasn’t just making sure he was clean— which he does on his own by the way,— but also fed and didn't go turning the room upside down. I didn't know if I'll be able to always provide meals for him because I'm still a student, but more importantly, I was worried about his health, about how to train him and keep him indoors because he is so energetic and always wants to play— when all I've ever known how to be is an indoor person and wouldn't want him to be any different. I worried about coming home to meet my apartment in disarray and having to reassemble my things each time. 

If anything got damaged, there was nothing to be done, he's a baby, he doesn't understand. I thought about the time I had to put into distracting him from being too curious about everything. The strain, the stress, I just couldn't deal.

 Not to be a spoil-sport but cats are very independent animals and this is why I thought we would be a good match but after this experience, I have come to the conclusion that that cats are independent is a cliché because all cats aren't the same and this applies to people as well. While some are independent, others prefer the excessive show of affection and attention and I wasn't ready for such. 

Not to say my experience is anything close to what a parent goes through but it was after this, I understood how stressful being one must be. Parents do not only rely on their biological connection to train a child, they care for a child in all areas of the child's life and see to the upbringing of the child through all the stages of development. 

In a nutshell, the sacrifice that goes into parenting is not one to be trivialised, really, because no one just knows how to be a parent. It is through trials and errors, making choices you believe to be right and putting in the efforts to nurture the child, among other things, that sets one on the path to being a true parent. 

That said, to the parents and intending parents out there, I'm sending you my love and best wishes. The world wouldn't be where it is today without y'all and I thank you for always coming through and being there for us.

Without further ado, I'm signing off today to be back here soon. I leave y'all with a few songs on my playlist that you should really listen to, if you haven't already;

• ‘My Kind of Brown’ by Johnny Drille

• ‘Driving in the Rain’ by Johnny Drille

• ‘Am I wrong’ by Nico & Vinz

• ‘2 Much’ by Justin Bieber 

XOXO