HEALTHY

 It’s been a minute, my friends. And while we’re in the third month of the year, a lot has happened within such a short time. However, I’m not here to whine. To be honest, these days, I’ve lacked the motivation to write and my thoughts have been cloudy. So, know that “it’s not you, it’s me,” as I usually say. I have a question to ask: Have you ever felt like whatever you do will never be enough? You’re never going to be beautiful or smart enough, you’re never going to have the perfect manners or figure. If you have ever felt like that, I think we have something in common—

at least, Once upon a time.

A friend gave me one of the most out-of-the-box compliments while we were on a picnic towards the end of 2023. "What is this compliment?" you're probably wondering. It was, "You look healthy." I didn’t think much of it back then, but now that I think about it, it really means a lot.

I have been through it, at the hands of people.

To be honest, over the past year, I’ve moved from a size 6 to a size 10. My waistline has evolved from a 26 to a 30/31, and my cheeks are alive and plump. Funnily enough, looking into the mirror, I feel awesome and good about my appearance. I feel like I finally started living. I wish that were the case with others.

Sighs…As usual, human beings will criticize what doesn’t conform to what they know. Sadly, over the past months, as comfortable as I’ve become in my new skin, it doesn’t seem to sit well with others.

“You’re fat now, o!” they say. I chuckle inwardly. Maybe because it’s the same persons who complained and whined about how I moved from a size 10 to a size 6 about 2 years ago. “Deolu, you’re so skinny, are you okay?” No, I really wasn’t. My head wasn’t right. Vipers that I called friends were after my blood, and they made it dinner. A feast!

I’ve always been more of a giver than a taker. I gave until I ended up in the hospital. Skinny, sick, thinking I’d die. Die, I did not. But learn, I did.

Then and there, I realized that I had given the first 20 years of my life in service and I needed to make a much-needed retirement. It’s not like the people who expended so much energy appreciated it much. But I won’t die without living for myself. I refuse to.

Making that vow to myself, I am where I am now. I look healthy, that is because I feel healthy, my love. Thank you for the compliment. I’ve realized that I can choose the comments I want to listen to and I choose to listen and reply to the good ones. It really helped cement my appreciation for my new self, and I’ll give myself a new life to match.

If you stayed with me this long, spell out what you learnt in the comment section. I’ll be watching. Till next time, beautiful people. 

XOXO,

Dee

I See Fire

To every beginning, there is an end, which brings about new beginnings, and we continue in that cycle—the cycle of life.

As with every birth, there has once been either a gruesome or peaceful end. 

Shalom!

 Death is a part of life. Part of the chain, thus an inevitable end. I dare say that I've had my fair share of death. I'd even say more than enough. Before I was born I had lost to death. I came to the world with no grandparents either paternal or maternal and a month and a few days before my second birthday, I lost my father to death and 5 years ago, I lost my mother too. 

I've always been quite envious and at the same time empty. Envious of people that get to live up to their 40s or more and still have either one or both of their parents alive. Envious of my peers who still get to experience a mother's or father's love. Envious of those who knew their grandparents. And I always wonder why I've been dealt this card. 

I'm in this twisted world with no family except ofcourse, my siblings. We probably all wish we could hug our mum or feel her warmth. We probably still want a father's guidance and protection. But for most of our youth, we've been denied that.

This really isn't a pity party for me. I've accepted my reality and learned to live with it. But to the people suffering out there due to one loss or the other, I want you to know that you'll get through it. It will seem like a very real but bad dream you want to wake up from. Unfortunately, it isn't. But you're strong and will survive this. Grieve and feel the loss, do not deny yourself the opportunity. You lost a love, so mourn your love. No one understands your pain as much as you do and no one can tell you how to grieve. But once you do, also remember you have those who still love you and live for them and yourself because that is what who you've lost will want. They'd want you to be happy and free.

I apologise for the intense air my friends, but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't real. I understand that we come online to get away from the harsh realities of life, but in all honesty, I think we should quit running. Life is life. The good, the bad, and everything in between. Let's live it. 

Happy 2024! 

XOXO,

Dee.