TRANSCENDENCE

It seems wrong to think you're a good person or friend only because you treat your supposed friend or whoever how you would love to be treated. Humans are complicated and unpredictable, so relating with others requires more than just this simple approach. Therefore, relating with people isn't a piece of cake as many of us have made it out to be.

It's more like trying to feed a child vegetables in the hopes that they will eat them because it makes them healthy. A healthy child equals happy parents. Anyway, while the theory I mentioned earlier might work in a few cases or most, I've noted some irregularities with it, and I'm definitely going to share.

Exhibit A 

Elizabeth calls me every night before she goes to bed to hear about how my day went, offer encouragement and kind words, and ask if I need help making things easier for the next day. While I appreciate her efforts towards being a supportive friend, I might appreciate it a little more if she actually texted during the day and didn't wait until the day ends before checking in. What if I got into an accident? What if I had a mental breakdown or an episode during the day and needed help?

When I meet someone else who offers what I prefer, is it impossible to conclude that I'll become better friends with such a person and cease to notice Elizabeth's efforts towards me? If we turn the tables, we would see that Elizabeth is showing her support the way she expects to receive it but doesn't understand that I do not 'feel' supported, and so her efforts are wasted on me, regardless of her intentions.

Exhibit B 

John likes to buy gifts to make up for missing dates, plans, holidays because he has 'work to do,' leaving no room for actual time to connect. In John's defense, he sends flowers, trinkets, etc. to show his commitment. It doesn't register, as gifts don't matter to me as I'm into spending time together to connect.

I could go on and on, but really what I'm getting at is that people don't always want to be treated how you would love to be treated. It's what makes them unique and different from you. We all have our different love languages, and it's in how we read things.

This particular article reminds me of conversations I've had about how love languages aren't only limited to romantic relationships but are also present in friendships, which is evident in my tweets below. 

I was a bit vague there, but here is what I really meant:

When it comes to friendships, it's important to recognize that different people have different love languages. You can't assume that the way you like to give and receive love is the same as your friend's preferences. So, it's important to communicate and understand each other's love languages. This means being intentional about getting to know what your friend actually likes, rather than assuming based on your own preferences.

In terms of compromise, it means finding out how to express love and affection in a way that resonates with your friend's love language, even if it's not your preferred way of showing affection. It might mean making an effort to spend more quality time with them, giving them thoughtful gifts, or offering words of affirmation, for example.

Ultimately, real friendships involve mutual understanding and respect for each other's differences. It's about making the effort to connect with each other in a way that feels meaningful and authentic. So, in essence, the real work is about being intentional and getting to know what they actually like and not what is presupposed by your actions towards them. Hear them out and listen to them. A relationship is not a one-man party, you know?


Hey there! It's been a while, missed me? 😄 I've been enjoying my break and sorry not sorry, I haven't been tempted to write anything until today. I do hope, you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. For readers wondering why our layout has changed, I wouldn't be the gracious host that I am if I didn't make your reading experience comfortable. Although, if you're wondering where you can find the attachments, you can do that in two ways, the first one is easy. Look below and click "View web version" or set your browser to desktop site and they will appear. While you're on there, don't forget to subscribe, and share. Adios!

XOXO