"Love and Individuality: A Delicate Balance"

 Author: Odugbemi Darasimi

It could be difficult to love someone and not forget who you are or who you want to be in them. Many times, you could get so invested and committed to loving a person (romantic relationship) that, without conscious and intentional efforts, you are likely to lose who you are. You begin to lose hold of the things that often excited you before they came around. Sometimes, you start to like the things that they like and even hate those things that they hate. Which is fine, it’s the peculiar thing about love. However, the downside to it is when they do leave or when it is time for you to leave. The investments you have made in them and the person you have become in them, as well as the influence they now have on you, could stop you from leaving them or making efforts to pack up and leave. Obviously, I mean when the relationship has now become unhealthy or toxic. It could even be bad to the extent that their opinion about you totally cancels the opinion you have always had about yourself, and I mean not in a good way. You may no longer be confident in who you think you are or who you know yourself to be. You would often seek validation from them, and when you no longer get positive validations, you take on the job of transforming yourself into the person that they would want you to be.

Also, when you begin to have recurring issues, talk about consistently complaining about a certain person who you don’t feel comfortable about the way they relate to your partner, and it becomes frequent that you start questioning whether you are the oversensitive one or the one with the problem. Summarily, when you can count an uncomfortable number of issues to the extent that your mental health is taking a very bad turn.

I’m no relationship expert, but you’d agree with me, or you should at least, that love should and can help you find who you are. When you are with a person that supports you, who drives you to be your best person, who helps you see beyond your weaknesses and shortcomings, someone who just fires you up, they don’t allow you to get lost in their shadow. They give the right amount of support that you need. But this same thing- “Love” can make you, like I said before, get so consumed in loving someone that you can be blind to the seemingly glaring things.

What is the way forward? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️. But what I can say is, no matter how much you love someone and how much they mean to you, you should love yourself more. Take time to weigh all the differences that they have made since they came into your life. Check to see if you are on track with the person you wanted to be before meeting and loving them. Do you still know what you like? Do you have a favorite thing to do that doesn’t revolve around them but still makes you happy? Just do a thorough check-in to see if you still recognize who you have become.