It's Not You, It's Me🥺

Whew! It’s the tenth month of the year. Are you kidding me? Long time no blog post. Did you miss me? For me, I missed you all. I thought about so many things and so many ways I should write to you, but I always let something else get in the way. And now we are here, two months and days from my last blog post and me losing my blog streak. LOL, if that’s a thing. Anyways, there has been a lot and so much to catch up on, but to summarize it all, I'd say that this has been a really transformative year for me. A lot has changed, internally and externally. I must say that it has been so scary for me too. And with how everything has been coming at me, I like to look back when I get the chance to reflect.

Do you ever not like change? I mean, have you ever found yourself being so anxious and weary of what change could do and bring? Have you found comfort in your routine, not looking to upscale, but at the same time wishing to, but you would rather not because you are not sure you want or need the change? Well, this is not to say that I don’t like change, but I remember having a conversation about this particular concept with a work colleague of mine a few weeks ago. She asked why I'm still friends with certain people when I know they aren’t friends in the real sense. I made an unconscious response to that question with, “because I'm familiar with their attitude and I know what to expect and what not to.” And then she instantly psychoanalyzed me and told me she thinks I have a control problem. Then I thought about it really. Actually, I do have a problem. My need to control things just comes in the most unusual ways, just like I have written above. I remain in certain situations just because I don’t want to change things and I can control what it is I already know the likely outcome of. Of course, I do take risks, once in a while, but the chances of that happening between 0-5 are quite slim.

A lot has indeed changed, and a lot has changed me. Do I find them to be scary sometimes? 100%, but then again, such is life. The trick to it is to grab it by its horns and navigate it towards the best suitable path to tread on. And so this is plain Dee writing to you all after a long hiatus, telling you that change can be good when you let it. Fear is your biggest enemy, and like I always say, “you never really know what you are made of or can achieve if you never put yourself out there.” Be bold, and trust in your abilities.

By the way, I don’t think I've mentioned it on here that I recently published a poetry chapbook, and it is available in both ebook and paperback formats. To purchase a copy, click on the link in my widgets section which says, “I'm an author, buy my book.” My poetry chapbook gives a little insight into how much your girl has grown, and I'm so happy that I finally mustered up the courage to finish it and publish it. When you do read it, please leave a review; I love to receive feedback. I have another book which is a short story, and I'm sure you will get the whole idea of it once you click on the link you really need to.

Signing off, do not be sad, guys; this was just a quick pop in, as real life has me on a chokehold for now. I'm pretty sad that I haven’t been writing as much as I should be recently. However, I'm not totally off; I'll still write to you, but I write on various other mediums as well. Look me up on Instagram, X (Formely Twitter), Threads, LinkedIn, etc. Let us connect. I go by the name Agnes Dairo on most of these apps. I really do hope to see your connection requests. Do have a wonderful week ahead. And to the Nigerians reading this, I am wishing you a happy independence.

       XOXO 

Hello November. ✌️

This isn't fair to my insta page, why? I'll let you know in a bit. Happy new month readers! We're now in the second to the last month of the year, 2022 and as a passing question, in one sentence how would you say year 2022 has been for you? I'll love to see responses to this question in the comment section below, so feel free to do just that.

Normally, at the end of every month, I make it an obligation to recap, reflect on and process all that I've been through in that particular month. It's not something I grew up with, it is self-taught and has actually helped in keeping track of my journeying on the route to becoming a better person (a better version of myself). After reflecting, I take to my notes and write whatever it is I have pondered and learnt down. It doesn't just stop there, but I make it my business to post it up on my insta page. Not that it's anyone's business, and ofcourse no one asked it of me, but I like to think it helps and in a way, it is my little contribution in guiding people towards a lighter and less toxic path.

So we are in a new month and surprisingly, I have no monthly lessons written down somewhere waiting. I have nothing to reflect on, and I'm as blank as my bank account happens to be right now. 😅 no, my SAPA state is not the cause of my blankness. You see, I've found a place of healing within myself. A place I didn't even know existed. 

And that on days when I'm not lazying about; day dreaming, I'm in that space, and as calm and content as ever.

XOXO

10 things you probably don't know about me.

I didn't plan on writing today, but I just realised that I've got my writers on here introducing themselves to you and I didn't bother to offer mine. Anyways, guess why I'm here today? The topic gave it away, didn't it? Chuckles

Its a no brainer that I'm the admin/owner and publisher of this blog. You are always welcome to share your thoughts and feedback with me, they will be warmly received. Welcome to my corner of the web.

Now, to the main reason I'm here. These are the ten things you don't know about me:

1. My full name is Agnes Adeolu Dairo. But let's just keep it at Dee for short. It's not my only nickname by the way, but who is counting?
2. I'm a 5'4, petite African woman. Ayii, that sounds so serious; woman young adult please!
3. I'm a huge sucker for romance. I just love everything about love.
4. Writing gives me the opportunity to create. I idolize it the way an artist idolizes his paintings. I love how expressive I can get while writing, and how it allows me to connect with my audience. I also find it to be a good form of therapy.
5. I'm an Ambivert. Contrary to what a lot of people might think, I get drained on social energy on most days and when that happens, I retreat back into my shell. How I strike the balance, is still a mystery to me.
6. I don't have favourite meals, music, movies, books, celebrities or anything that's seen as FUN these days. I don't have any preferences when it comes to that and asking me to choose is like torture.
7. I'm afraid of statues. Funny, isn't it? Well I guess it's all in my head but I find them to be so intimidating.
8. I'd love to travel to see Paris, Venice, Rome and the Carribeans one of these days.
9. I love chocolate. Not just a bar. Anything with chocolate in it! Give me, I want it.
10. I watch horror movies for fun and yes, I laugh, enjoy it and sleep well at night.


I look forward to getting to know some of you in the nearest future. Enjoy the rest of your week.

                          XOXO

Rebounding.

 Hello guys. 👋

It's been a while. I know that's an understatement as my last post was back in 2016. And this is—what is it again? Four years? Five to six years? Well, I really don't want to dive into the reason behind my absence...But! Here are a few things to keep you up-to-date: I didn't crash. I made it through high school. Boom! I made it into college; I'm three years in. And it's been a roller coaster of emotions. And in the shadows of COVID which halted the whole universe, life has been all about trying to go back to what life ought to have been and can be. I'm still trying to figure out how to make my place in the world, but I know that I'll get there. All I need is to 'hang in there'.

Here comes the big-but-not-so-exciting news: I lost my mum. And I never disclosed this in my other pieces, but I lost my dad when I was two. So the only parent I had ever known was my mum. She was father, mother, teacher and best friend, and that loss was the very definition of what we call world-changing. Luckily, I had my family to get me by. I still do, though. Much love from me to members of my family reading this!❤ 

And to others who can relate, I don't know if you ever felt like this since we all experience grief differently, but losing her felt like a wake-up call. I needed to grow up, but there was no one to nurture my emergence into adulthood, ensuring I made it there with important lessons except for me. I miss my mother every day. I do not get to have lazy long talks about simply nothing anymore. There's no one willing to listen to nothing just for the fun of it. 

    

It's been four years since her death, and I still get bits of depression just thinking about her. Truth is, I did move on. Not completely, but I did. I have a new life—one that isn't as magical, but still sparkles. Many times when I pass by strangers, and they're like “How're your mum and dad?” I smile and say, “They are fine.” It is what they are, fine people. 

Recently, an old lady asked this same question. I was going to smile my usual wistful smile and say, "They are fine." But I hung, turned, looked at her, wondering in those measly seconds why everyone assumes that we all have parents. Why do they think all families are structured the conventional way? If anything, at that moment I wished the old lady had never asked. And if she was as concerned as she seemed, then she could have just said, "How's the family?" And just maybe I wouldn't have turned cold and continued with the facade that had become my reality. Just maybe.

However, pushing aside my initial hurt, I looked into the woman's eyes, which were glowing and expectant by the way, and wondered why she shouldn't think all was well. Why should she have to predict that my family was out of the ordinary? Wouldn't that mean we all should start to expect sadness all around? Then I responded slowly and walked away.

 

Now that I think about it, I realize that we all have strong emotional burdens on all of our backs that we carry. Who knows if we're all pretending to be fine? And why not? Why can't we pretend? Why can't we be happy? If we allow ourselves, we would see that there's so much more out there that we should be thankful and grateful for. A lot of things we're failing to see that's worth being excited about. And why? We are so caught up in our grief and the struggles that keep coming at us and we forget to experience the other good things we already have. Let's learn to be happy with ourselves and not be the thorn in our own hides. 

                                   

                 XOXO