Rebounding.

 Hello guys. 👋

It's been a while. I know that's an understatement as my last post was back in 2016. And this is—what is it again? Four years? Five to six years? Well, I really don't want to dive into the reason behind my absence...But! Here are a few things to keep you up-to-date: I didn't crash. I made it through high school. Boom! I made it into college; I'm three years in. And it's been a roller coaster of emotions. And in the shadows of COVID which halted the whole universe, life has been all about trying to go back to what life ought to have been and can be. I'm still trying to figure out how to make my place in the world, but I know that I'll get there. All I need is to 'hang in there'.

Here comes the big-but-not-so-exciting news: I lost my mum. And I never disclosed this in my other pieces, but I lost my dad when I was two. So the only parent I had ever known was my mum. She was father, mother, teacher and best friend, and that loss was the very definition of what we call world-changing. Luckily, I had my family to get me by. I still do, though. Much love from me to members of my family reading this!❤ 

And to others who can relate, I don't know if you ever felt like this since we all experience grief differently, but losing her felt like a wake-up call. I needed to grow up, but there was no one to nurture my emergence into adulthood, ensuring I made it there with important lessons except for me. I miss my mother every day. I do not get to have lazy long talks about simply nothing anymore. There's no one willing to listen to nothing just for the fun of it. 

    

It's been four years since her death, and I still get bits of depression just thinking about her. Truth is, I did move on. Not completely, but I did. I have a new life—one that isn't as magical, but still sparkles. Many times when I pass by strangers, and they're like “How're your mum and dad?” I smile and say, “They are fine.” It is what they are, fine people. 

Recently, an old lady asked this same question. I was going to smile my usual wistful smile and say, "They are fine." But I hung, turned, looked at her, wondering in those measly seconds why everyone assumes that we all have parents. Why do they think all families are structured the conventional way? If anything, at that moment I wished the old lady had never asked. And if she was as concerned as she seemed, then she could have just said, "How's the family?" And just maybe I wouldn't have turned cold and continued with the facade that had become my reality. Just maybe.

However, pushing aside my initial hurt, I looked into the woman's eyes, which were glowing and expectant by the way, and wondered why she shouldn't think all was well. Why should she have to predict that my family was out of the ordinary? Wouldn't that mean we all should start to expect sadness all around? Then I responded slowly and walked away.

 

Now that I think about it, I realize that we all have strong emotional burdens on all of our backs that we carry. Who knows if we're all pretending to be fine? And why not? Why can't we pretend? Why can't we be happy? If we allow ourselves, we would see that there's so much more out there that we should be thankful and grateful for. A lot of things we're failing to see that's worth being excited about. And why? We are so caught up in our grief and the struggles that keep coming at us and we forget to experience the other good things we already have. Let's learn to be happy with ourselves and not be the thorn in our own hides. 

                                   

                 XOXO