DRAWING WATER

Before I dive into today's article, I'm giving you a heads-up. 😂 I think the philosophy courses and articles I've been taking and reading lately have somewhat ingrained themselves in my system. I've become quite accustomed to deep contemplation about why things are the way they are and the truths behind them. Not to say that I'm a philosopher. 😂 I just find it fascinating, and I hope this message finds you well. Let's dive in.

I now understand that you can neither be solely a good nor a bad person. I'm not good nor bad; I'm human. I do mundane things that flow naturally from within, because I am human. "Human me does and feels human things."

I've come to realize that I control how I feel about the narrative that's passed around about me. Accepting my imperfections as innate qualities sets me apart, and that in itself feels like I've broken free from the shackles of vanity. As there is as much bad as there is good in me.

I see now that we occasionally demonstrate goodness because we fear judgment, hoping that others perceive us as kind and virtuous. However, we sometimes, do this to feel good about ourselves. To affirm that we are indeed good, we quantify all our good deeds to prove a point. Why? I've figured it is to showcase our benevolence, gain recognition, or validate our intentions.

It's selfish – I'd even say more selfish than actually being true to your own emotions.

Why make someone think you're someone you're not? Why make them paint you white when you are black? I ask myself these questions, maybe because I want to understand why we do things we don't want to. But really, this is me fully grasping the depth of our collective vanity and superficiality.

Emotion – the good kind – leaves you feeling high, like you're floating on cloud 9. It's not inherently bad, and it's not inherently good either. We are allowed to want to connect with things, no matter how fickle they might be, to feel good. You know?

What's dawned on me is the recognition that humans are incentive-driven beings. For instance, individuals often extend acts of kindness with the underlying belief that these gestures will be repaid in kind, either directly or for future generations. This exemplifies how we blend acts of kindness with our self-interest, forming a complex pattern that defines our motivations and actions.

Basically, our human journey is like a mix of different reasons that come together like a song from deep within us. Everything we do, whether to help others or for ourselves, adds to the tune that shapes our lives.

XOXO

It's Not You, It's Me🥺

Whew! It’s the tenth month of the year. Are you kidding me? Long time no blog post. Did you miss me? For me, I missed you all. I thought about so many things and so many ways I should write to you, but I always let something else get in the way. And now we are here, two months and days from my last blog post and me losing my blog streak. LOL, if that’s a thing. Anyways, there has been a lot and so much to catch up on, but to summarize it all, I'd say that this has been a really transformative year for me. A lot has changed, internally and externally. I must say that it has been so scary for me too. And with how everything has been coming at me, I like to look back when I get the chance to reflect.

Do you ever not like change? I mean, have you ever found yourself being so anxious and weary of what change could do and bring? Have you found comfort in your routine, not looking to upscale, but at the same time wishing to, but you would rather not because you are not sure you want or need the change? Well, this is not to say that I don’t like change, but I remember having a conversation about this particular concept with a work colleague of mine a few weeks ago. She asked why I'm still friends with certain people when I know they aren’t friends in the real sense. I made an unconscious response to that question with, “because I'm familiar with their attitude and I know what to expect and what not to.” And then she instantly psychoanalyzed me and told me she thinks I have a control problem. Then I thought about it really. Actually, I do have a problem. My need to control things just comes in the most unusual ways, just like I have written above. I remain in certain situations just because I don’t want to change things and I can control what it is I already know the likely outcome of. Of course, I do take risks, once in a while, but the chances of that happening between 0-5 are quite slim.

A lot has indeed changed, and a lot has changed me. Do I find them to be scary sometimes? 100%, but then again, such is life. The trick to it is to grab it by its horns and navigate it towards the best suitable path to tread on. And so this is plain Dee writing to you all after a long hiatus, telling you that change can be good when you let it. Fear is your biggest enemy, and like I always say, “you never really know what you are made of or can achieve if you never put yourself out there.” Be bold, and trust in your abilities.

By the way, I don’t think I've mentioned it on here that I recently published a poetry chapbook, and it is available in both ebook and paperback formats. To purchase a copy, click on the link in my widgets section which says, “I'm an author, buy my book.” My poetry chapbook gives a little insight into how much your girl has grown, and I'm so happy that I finally mustered up the courage to finish it and publish it. When you do read it, please leave a review; I love to receive feedback. I have another book which is a short story, and I'm sure you will get the whole idea of it once you click on the link you really need to.

Signing off, do not be sad, guys; this was just a quick pop in, as real life has me on a chokehold for now. I'm pretty sad that I haven’t been writing as much as I should be recently. However, I'm not totally off; I'll still write to you, but I write on various other mediums as well. Look me up on Instagram, X (Formely Twitter), Threads, LinkedIn, etc. Let us connect. I go by the name Agnes Dairo on most of these apps. I really do hope to see your connection requests. Do have a wonderful week ahead. And to the Nigerians reading this, I am wishing you a happy independence.

       XOXO