Travails of a Gambler.

Gambling in recent times has taken a different tide and dimension. There used to be the days of Baba Ijebu and the likes. But now it's sports betting.                                                        

Betting companies have sprang up because there is a market for it—people thrusting their life savings, their salaries into sports betting in the name of fast money. It's a big risk. If you get lucky, you feel on top of the world. And if it goes bad, then there is trouble.                                             

Have we asked why more and more people are going into it? Having sports betting shops is now another thriving business. Or do we say there is no more dignity in labor?

                                                          

We live in the I-am-on-the-fast lane generation, so it's no surprise to see incidents like this happen. Betting companies are very smart to see that there is a growing populace of people who are into sports betting.  Now you get to see themes like "Reward for Passion". 

Let us ask ourselves: has gambling become a passion? It is high time we realized that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Sometimes, it could be your lucky day. And that's just once in a blue moon.                                                              

We also need to look at why it's becoming a normalcy. Is it the high poverty rate? Is it because it's seen as a faster way of income or is it truly a passion? We'll find our answers in due time. But in the meantime if you can't stop sports betting, stake responsibly.

Black, White and Everything in Between.

Most people hold the belief that the world is black and white. I used to hold the same sentiment until I started to hold people I thought stood at the white side—that is the good side—to a standard that is “impossible” for a mere human. 

Life is not black or white. You may be wondering how so? Chill and let me explain. Life, from my point of view, is white with black spots. Or white with a splash of black. Or black with white dots. Just white and black basically weaving into each other. 

All my life I was made to believe that white signifies purity, good, perfection, cleanliness and everything good. And black is just the bad guy. But in my adulting years, I have learnt that people are generally not either white or black, but they can be both. 

By this, I mean they can be white with a side of black, or black with a little white. It simply means that a person who is believed to be good and perfect is very much capable of having a bad, sad, dirty side, hence the saying that good people can do bad things. The fact that good people can do bad things does not really mean they are bad people. It only means they are human. 

I leave you with the name of a play adaptation by Williams Shakespeare: All's well that ends well.

Hola personas, my name is Amaka Babundo, I am a full time baby girl moonlighting as a law student. Oh! I write sometimes.

10 things you probably don't know about me.

I didn't plan on writing today, but I just realised that I've got my writers on here introducing themselves to you and I didn't bother to offer mine. Anyways, guess why I'm here today? The topic gave it away, didn't it? Chuckles

Its a no brainer that I'm the admin/owner and publisher of this blog. You are always welcome to share your thoughts and feedback with me, they will be warmly received. Welcome to my corner of the web.

Now, to the main reason I'm here. These are the ten things you don't know about me:

1. My full name is Agnes Adeolu Dairo. But let's just keep it at Dee for short. It's not my only nickname by the way, but who is counting?
2. I'm a 5'4, petite African woman. Ayii, that sounds so serious; woman young adult please!
3. I'm a huge sucker for romance. I just love everything about love.
4. Writing gives me the opportunity to create. I idolize it the way an artist idolizes his paintings. I love how expressive I can get while writing, and how it allows me to connect with my audience. I also find it to be a good form of therapy.
5. I'm an Ambivert. Contrary to what a lot of people might think, I get drained on social energy on most days and when that happens, I retreat back into my shell. How I strike the balance, is still a mystery to me.
6. I don't have favourite meals, music, movies, books, celebrities or anything that's seen as FUN these days. I don't have any preferences when it comes to that and asking me to choose is like torture.
7. I'm afraid of statues. Funny, isn't it? Well I guess it's all in my head but I find them to be so intimidating.
8. I'd love to travel to see Paris, Venice, Rome and the Carribeans one of these days.
9. I love chocolate. Not just a bar. Anything with chocolate in it! Give me, I want it.
10. I watch horror movies for fun and yes, I laugh, enjoy it and sleep well at night.


I look forward to getting to know some of you in the nearest future. Enjoy the rest of your week.

                          XOXO

AMALA SPECIALE

 How come no one ever bothered to tell me amala slaps this hard?

       For someone who is very anti-food especially with meals that are peculiar to any ethnic group asides mine, no seer born of man could have convinced me that I would be seated here clattering away at keys, excited about; AMALA. 

Everyday, I come online and there’s an array of traumatizing stories on relationships; people are constantly dissuaded from going into anything romantic. Aren’t there any good ships? So no one is dating someone who actually cares about and values them? Really? Absolutely none? 

I know that can’t be. I know that because I’m with one of the most amazing men in the world. Why stories from the amazing relationships do not abound, I do not know.  I do know that when I pick up my pen half of the time, I’ll tell the tale of an amazing relationship that makes me look forward to each new day. 

So I randomly told this man one day, that I had never had amala in my life and I wanted to try it out. I just put it out there. And last week, we jokingly made plans to do so. They never came to fruition as a certain more passionate activity took place. Winks

Yesterday as I talked his ears out about nothing and everything, refusing to allow him sleep he spoke about me trying amala. It melted my heart that he remembered and held onto it. Plans were made and I departed my house for the amala spot. Admittedly late, because I somewhat expected this to go as my last attempt at trying amala had. I got lost on the way because a goat could easily find its way around Lagos than I could. And five minutes of anxiety later he was there; my knight in shining armor who was mad at me because of a series of texts I had fired off earlier. Nevertheless, he was determined to introduce me to something new(as he always is); so off we went to the amala place- IYA MORIA!

This isn’t so much about the amala as it is about the fact that he was interested in the little things that I spoke about and was willing to make my imagination become reality. I have not in my life been with someone who loves like this. The experience is new and exhilarating and I’m excited to wake up each new morning to do life with this human, be it trying out amala in a buka with the ever present rude amala sellers, lunch at an eatery where everything is overpriced or literally walking around a departmental store too close to home as I badger him to buy me the entire line of chocolates. I love that I get to experience a love like this. 

Not to take away the shine from the amala. It was, finger licking good. The ponmo was crisp and easy to bite into, the ogunfe was a little bit tough but I eventually conquered and I never got to taste the beef because this man stole it from my plate. There was more satisfaction however in seeing the proud grin this man wore as he watched his usually selective woman devour a plate of amala. I do not for a fact know what was going on in his mind at that point, but I do know that seeing that loop-sided boyish grin, made me send a quick thank you prayer to the heavens for my luck. 

All my Yoruba friends will face extensive queries on said amala subject all week long.

Hello, I’m Kiara.

I like to think that I’ll be the resident love struck girl on here; your daily reminder of the need to end your single pringle  lifestyle because true love exists.

Having a long line of mentally turbulent points and currently battling with high functioning depression, there will be days when things might get gloomy. I do not promise to keep the gloom away. We’ll work through it together as we would share the laughter when joy abounds.

On certain days, I’ll be on here preaching self prioritization; the kind that makes you snap your fingers and go “yes king/queen”(as the case may be) because you feel my words reach into your soul.

I’m a whirlwind of energy on some days and on other days, an extinguished flame. I hope that you understand on each of these days and take me as I come.

Also, I find English extremely boring sometimes but so help me God.

For now, sayonara.

BODY SHAMING —How it forms an unhealthy mind.

What is body shaming?

Body shaming is an act of making critical comments about a person's body shape or size.

It is disheartening to see that body shaming has become a norm in the society. Whether you're fat or thin, tall or short, you still get body shamed. This has mentally affected so many people because they think they don't fit into the society's standard of 'Beautiful.'
  
Unfortunately, this has led the people at the receiving end of it into depression, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and the need to seek external validation.

There was a time when I was mocked for being thin, and I began to stuff my face with food because I wanted to put on some weight. This only made me suffer, especially, from terrible and painful cramps every month, and it almost led to being diagnosed with diabetes.

Who are the body shamers?

The first person that is guilty of that is YOU! Let me enlighten you.

Oftentimes, we are our own worst critiques without even realizing it. It could start when you are flicking through magazines, or scrolling through the pages of your favourite celebrities, and admiring pictures of people you presume 'gorgeous' wanting to be the same because you believe that they are better. You start to self-loathe, and mutter to yourself on how much you wish you were formed differently.

This can escalate into body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), where you become obsessed with a perceived appearance flaw that can create repeated avoidance behaviors.

And by doing that, you allow others to mock, and turn up their nose at you. For no one can make you feel what you don't allow them to.

Parents and siblings also body shame. It can be in form of jokes they deem harmless or by comparing you with other people. It is pertinent to note that most parents are ignorant to the fact that they body shame their children.

Friends, class mates and acquaintances also body shame.

The media is also a huge contributor in enabling a false fixation on how a perfect person should appear.


How to overcome body shaming.

" When you judge a woman by her appearance, it doesn't define her, it defines you" –Steve Maraboli

This should be your motto if you suffer from anxiety as a result of being body shamed. The shape or size of your body doesn't define or make you. It is what sets you apart and makes you unique.

Learn to love and accept your body.

Be positive and speak only 

kind words to yourself.

Stay away from people who can't help but to body shame.

Surround yourself with people who will respect and treat you well.

Reduce your screen time. If what you see on social media contributes to your depression, then it is in your best interest to reduce how much time you spend scrolling through social media applications, and find other productive things to do with your time.


Hello there.😊
I'm Tolulope Ijaoba, a new writer for this blog and this is my first article. I love to write and read. I'll be taking up residence at the Humanity, Mental Health and Inspirational columns. Looking forward to growing and connecting with you all.

       Au revoir.😘🤗

Are witches real?

 Ever wondered what happened to witchcraft in early modern Europe and America? Yes, we know they probably burnt them all to the stake as shown in the movies and documentaries. But are we really sure that they are all gone? 

It often boggles the mind—so many generations of witches, long gone, long forgotten. A lot of people don't concern themselves with this piece of history. But as someone who loves to watch a lot of fantasy shows, it has always been something of interest to me. 

According to research, the last time a witch even existed is dated back to the 18th century. I wouldn't say they successfully executed them all. And so, if we still have witches, that means they've been low-key for about three centuries. 

Why do I think so? We hear whispers about several ancient cults still being run till today. I won't say they're being run necessarily by a 'witch', but anyone dealing with the occult is hypothetically dealing with supernatural powers.

 

Witches were not always feared back then. I'd say they even ran things. People came to heal, to call on spirits to help them, etcetera. If it was once this way, then what changed? You're probably wondering. I believe they were thought to be in cohorts with the devil and would only want to harm and do evil. Hence the hatred and the need to purge the world of their likes. 

Now here is another string line of questions: Were they actually witches? Did those things laid down in history books about them actually happen? Or was it the makings of a crazy man? When I look at popular stories, like the Salem witches and witches from Elizabethan times, I begin to ask these questions. 

I also discovered something. Are you aware that there is a contemporary pagan religion? Wicca is the name of it. It is a group of westerners who engage in nature worship and witchcraft and consider themselves to be followers of a pre-Christian religion with roots in northern and western Europe. It's spread widely and is even now being practiced in the US. 

Interesting, isn't it? 

This all the more fuels my growing curiosity of this world in particular. 

They are called Wiccans, and they possess their own principles even if their religion is out of the ordinary (what we are used to seeing). They believe in causing no harm as their ethical code goes like this: “If it harms none, do what you will.” Contrary to what you might think, Wicca is a large community filled with members and is an accepted religion. 

I'm going to go ahead and ask: why is witchcraft an acceptable religion now and wasn't in the 14th century? I don't think I've gotten a logical explanation yet.

I'll leave you with this, for now.

XOXO 

Disney Princesses: My heroes.

Cartoons aren't only for kids. They can also be an adult thing. Fact is, children don't understand most cartoons they watch. Why? The diction and the literary devices used in them are often too advanced. And unless your kid is of course some Einstein, he may not be able to relate with these cartoons till he's grown. 

Well! If you're a cartoon lover like I am, then you probably are a Disney fan. I recently took a trip down memory lane, and all the cartoons I loved while I was a child made much sense to me now, which reinforces my earlier opinion. In fact, I seem to love them more now that I'm a young adult.

Now I'm gonna review some of my favorite Disney Princess cartoons. So let's get to it, shall we?

 

1. The Princess and The Frog.

So for number one, we have 'The Princess and the Frog'. In my view, it's the best Disney fairytale cartoon! I just love everything about it. 

We see Tiana, a commoner driven by her ambition to own a restaurant. Everyone ridicules her and tells her she's gotten way in over her head, but she keeps believing in her dreams. She knows it's hard work and is ever ready to put in the work, no matter how much she has to sacrifice. You go, girl! 

Now that's a fine representation of the struggles of a black female trying to set her place in the world of today.

Oh! I loved the addition of juju. It was apt! Great job, Disney. 

2. The Beauty and The Beast.

It might just be the geek in me talking, but I love a person that can read and is crazy about it. Hey, she's not just the Beauty you know? She's got brains to match! 

A very strong female protagonist is Belle, with her handsome beast! Literally. Lumière is also one of my best supporting characters in this tale, maybe because of his charisma...Hmm, dreamy.

Another thing to note is the moral of this story: be humble and treat people well regardless of how they look. Pride definitely got the Prince nothing but claws and paws—if you know what I mean. 

3. Mulan.

Any feminists in the house? Then Mulan is your heroine.

Find me an Asian female warrior whose name is Mulan to protect me every day. She basically tipped the scales by disobeying her father and running off to war although she was a girl trained to only be a wife, not a warrior. 

Just thinking about it gives me the shivers. War ke? Ah, that's some mind blowing display of guts and 'honor.' I respect this character a lot. She not only took her father’s place in the war, but risked her life. She's also very strategic and wise.

I'm not going to leave out Mushu. It was such a good laugh watching him. Eddie Murphy killed that role! 

4. Tangled.

The frying pan! How on earth is it not a weapon today? It is quite handy, and I never realized it would make a good weapon until I watched this cartoon.

Damn! Rapunzel is one resourceful princess. I must say that the girl in me would have cut my hair long ago. Omo, I can't, regardless.

And Maximus, the horse is another character that made the whole cartoon fun for me. 

5. Pocahontas.

Everything about the story line is just…🥺

Wait a minute, I have no words. 

This girl was out there making solid 'real life' choices on her love life in a cartoon. How good can it get? I mean, for someone that's probably older than the character. I can't seem to make such bold decisions in my love life to save myself. But she did it anyway! Brava—as the Italian will say. 

We've come to the end of my list. Of course, there are other exceptional Disney Princess cartoons not mentioned here. But these are the five that stood out for me. What are your favorites?

XOXO 

Virginity: A myth?

 My topic for discussion today might seem a bit controversial, but I had to. When I say 'I had to' I mean its 2022 and a lot of people are still holding on to archaic beliefs on what virginity entails. 

Who is a Virgin?

A person who has never had sexual intercourse, or sometimes, one who has never engaged in any sexual activity at all. 

Having defined that, let me apologise in advance.

I'm sorry to burst your bubble if you're one of these guys that have strange beliefs about virginity and I'll be taking you on a precise and comprehensive enlightening journey by listing five top myths about virginity. Ready, set, action! 

1. The hymen doesn't indicate virginity.

Oops! Shocker right? Well I was surprised when I found out too. Now for those of us who may not know what it means — The hymen is just a thin membrane of tissue that partially covers or in rare cases totally covers the opening of the vagina and the whole purpose of it is to keep bacteria out of the vagina (evolutionary reason by the way), after that it serves no purpose. And so the belief that the hymen is a wall that indicates a virgin is false.

2. A broken hymen means you're not a virgin.

As stated in my earlier definition of who a virgin is, I'd like to say this belief is just foolhardy. Moving on from there, the hymen can stretch, but it can also break and tear, not just because of sexual activity but through using tampons, cycling, exercise at any age, etcetera. 

3. Hymens look the same.

NO! The hymen comes in different shapes. There's the: 

A. Imperforate hymen — which completely covers the opening to the vaginal, blocking menstrual blood and secretion from flowing out. Which is a rare condition. The standard treatment is to surgically cut away part of the hymen using a scalpel or laser. This procedure is called an hymenotomy.

B. Microperforate hymen — A condition in which the hymen has a very small opening. Menstrual blood and vaginal secretions can flow out of the vagina, but the patient may have difficulty or inability to use tampons or have vaginal intercourse.

C. Septate hymen — occurs when the hymen has a band of extra tissue in the middle that causes two small vaginal openings instead of one. 

D. Ciribiform hymen — A condition in which the hymen has several very small openings. Menstrual blood and vaginal secretions can flow out of the vagina, but the patient will be unable to use tampons or have vaginal intercourse. 

AND

Did you know that there are some women who aren't even born with a hymen? So what does it make them? Non-virgins from birth? 

In addition, we have the annular, dentate, fimbriated, posterior lunar, subseptate, bifenestrate, anterior lunar hymen. 

4. The virginity test.

This is the biggest scam ever.  A doctor can't tell if you're a virgin. And what is this thing I hear about the 'Two fingers test?' If you believe that, I'm sorry to burst your bubble again.  The test typically involves a check for the presence of an intact hymen, typically on the 'flawed assumption' that it can only be torn as a result of sexual intercourse. Now here is a stimulating question, if a girl isn't born with a hymen, how then do you determine if she is a virgin or not? Logically and scientifically speaking, you can not determine a woman's virginity by just looking at or feeling it. Virginity testing is unethical and has no clinical or scientific basis and also a violation of human rights. 

5. Bleeding and pain.

Another scam is the belief behind bleeding or hurting the first time you have sex. The hymen is very thin and delicate so it doesn't get a whole lot of blood supply. Even if your hymen gets torn the first time you have sex, you maybe get a drop of blood or two. 🤷‍♀️ 

Most of the bleeding actually comes from the vagina tissue which is very vascular, but it doesn't mean that you necessarily have to bleed the first time you have sex. Although, you can experience pain the first time you have sex, but most times that happens because you're anxious and tense around your vaginal region. Which is totally normal, because its your first time. 

Now that we know the myths about virginity, I'd like to state that part of the problem here is women do not know their own anatomy, and need to start enlightening themselves. It's also not too much if topics like this are added to the curriculum in schools to address it properly.  

                 XOXO   

Soures:

• Dr Fatima Daoud, MD (Obstetrician-Gynaecologist)
• Nationwide Childrens Org 

What makes a bully?

I've always hated bullies. And for me, it's personal. For many of you who might know me closely enough, you will understand why. 

Growing up, I had to endure constant bullying. Body-shamed for how fat I looked, then ridiculed for getting too skinny. Imagine asking a teenager if 'she has an eating disorder.' 

Shocking, isn't it? 

You would think living among other black people like you should be easy until you begin to hear stuff like 'You're just too dark', 'You look burnt', 'No one will find you attractive' 'You're ugly'. 

Haha… We tend to discriminate more against our own kind.

Well, I'm not here to go on and on about my adventures with 'my friends on the other side.' Maybe I'll rant and take it out on this space on a different day. But for today, my question is: What makes a bully? 

Why do people feel the need to bully? People say it's jealousy, that they are envious of how good and awesome you are or might turn out to be. And that makes them bitter. 

So the only way they can live with their shortcomings in life is to try to unleash some sort of verbal or physical violence and look down on you like they are God. (And God doesn't even do that. Lol). 

News flash, they aren't. They're not perfect, and the level of insecurities they possess is out of this world. It's a wonder why they can't just be civil. 

Moving on, I'd love to see your feedback on what makes a bully in the comment section below.😊

AND

If you resonate with this writeup, please share. Thank you for reading.

                            XOXO 

Living up to the blue print.

 Sighs... I haven't written in weeks. It's probably not up to three weeks, but it feels eternal. 

Now, originally, I'm a poet. I write poems for the fun of it. I write because it's therapeutic. But lately, I see that I've lost my way. Lost myself in this mess that we call life. And I wonder each day how to keep on breathing, moving and working like the perfect picture I paint. 

Do you ever just feel like a fraud?—That you do not deserve everything you've built? 

I rarely feel comfortable in my own skin. And what's worse? This feeling keeps increasing more and more as I climb my way up to the top. It's a constant struggle between hate and love in my head. I myself can't fathom the reason behind this looming self-dissatisfaction. 

Could it be depression? I ask myself again and again. Why am I afraid of success? Is this a case of trauma? Or is it normal?

Ever felt this way?

 

XOXO